Friday, January 20, 2012

Can You Really Find Real Love Online

This article is focused on the use of online dating sites to find love and happiness. As an observer of the online dating industry for the last several years, I have spent a lot of time trying to gage how it is that some individuals succeed while others fail.  As a member of several dating sites over the years, I have seen first hand how it is that people interact both successfully and unsuccessfully. I have also tapped into my own extensive circle of friends and acquaintances in this same time period and also witnessed most aspects of the offline dating world as well.

So what have I found?
Interestingly enough, not much that has not already been discussed before.

When it comes to people meeting in real life, well, that has been going on for millennia, I have absolutely nothing to add on this topic that has not already been hashed out by writers since the time that man first developed writing. 

When it comes to the Internet, which has only been into the relationships and matchmaking game for the last 17 years or so, perhaps I can give people some insights as to what to expect with online dating sites and how to maximize their chances of success.

So lets start with some popular misconceptions:
Dating Sites Have Fool Proof Matching Formulas
False – Some dating sites work very hard trying to perfect their compatibility algorithms but some others just use superficial matching criteria – what is interesting is that neither extreme of these sites perform statistically better than the other.  The reason is that, quite frankly, there are two main obstacles that cannot be overcome when you are trying to match by formula.

It Is Less Work To Find My Match On a Dating Site
False – Once you find someone you are interested in, no matter what the relationship you desire, to get on top of it, you have to spend a lot of time getting to know the person. And at some point you will become comfortable that they are not blowing smoke up your tush. If not, all bets are off and you are back to square one looking for someone else who interests you.

Internet Dating Sites are a Great Place To Find People to Date
True – There is just so many people and so much selection on dating sites, it is almost a walk in the park to find someone to date (for a walk in the park of course).

Internet Dating Sites Are More Likely To Find My Soul Mate.
False – Quantity does not equal quality. Just because you can see and interact with a lot more people online than you can in real life does not mean that you are being exposed to quality people that you have any real compatibility with, and even if you are compatible from an intellectual point of view, there is no guarantee that you will find the chemistry with them that you need to achieve soul mate status.

So Why Would I Use An Internet Dating Site Then?They are dynamite if you are willing to be open and look outside of your normal comfort zone for possible matches. If you are not successful finding someone the normal way, it is often because you are just looking in the wrong places. Dating sites are amazing in the one single fact that everyone on them is looking to date. You do not have to prequalify each introduction with a lot of tap dancing trying to figure out if the person you are talking to is looking for someone.  The secret with online dating is to open yourself up to other possibilities that you might not have looked at before. Be willing to be disappointed with each person that you connect with, but also be willing to be entranced. You might be shocked at the person who ends up winning your heart.

If you approach education with an open mind, you will get 10 times as much out of it than you would if you try to educate yourself within your existing limits of knowledge and biases when you first start the process. Similarly, with dating sites, if you approach them with an open mind, and are willing to interact with people that you would not normally associate with in your normal day-to-day life, you may just find that the love of your life is not what your brain thought it was looking for.

So, open your heart and give online dating a try.

You can start here:

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