Although this happened a few years ago, it is still an experience worth passing on. It has to be classified as one of those moments that are a bit mortifying at the time, but in retrospect is truly hysterical.
I was going out with a really nice guy that I had met for a few months at that time. We were pretty far down the commitment road with each other, to the point where we were exclusive, had moved in together, and were not using condoms anymore. You may tsk tsk our not using condoms in this day and age, but I was on the pill and neither of us had any communicable diseases. I cannot remember the first time we had sex together, but by then it was at least three or four times a week, and usually more than once when we did. I had never had oral sex before I met him, and he taught me a lot. But what he really did was get me off really well. God he was good at oral!
Unfortunately he was never the longest lasting guy in the world when it came to regular sex, and I had sort of taught myself to come quickly if I wanted any form of orgasm at all. But I really, really wanted to have one of those deep, soul wrenching orgasms that I had read about so often in the books that I loved to read. I only had an inkling of what a full orgasm would be like. I mean, when he was in me, it felt so much better, and was so good, but he could never last long enough to satisfy me. It was only the oral sex that was keeping me sexually happy, but I wanted so much more.
As you can see I was somewhat frustrated, and being a private person by nature (at least about sex) I did not confide in anybody. Eventually I decided to do something about it. There was a sex shop in a mall a few blocks from where I lived. One day when my boyfriend was out with his pals playing baseball, I decided to see what they might have to help. When I went in there was nobody there, thank God, and I approached a sales lady and let her know what my problem was. She was very nice about it and made me feel comfortable. Apparently it is quite common for younger men to be a bit too excited when having sex and they just do not have any control. She showed me a cream that was designed to numb things down a bit so you could last longer. It appeared to be what I would need, so I bought it from her and took it home with me.
All the clocks seemed to stop that day, time just would not pass. I just knew that I had the secret elixir that was going to change my sex life forever. Finally, I was going to have the mind blowing, earth shattering orgasm that I had been reading about. I was on pins and needles.
That night, as I was getting ready for bed, I squeezed some from the tube and applied it liberally to my pussy. I could feel the effects immediately! I hopped into bed and started to get very affectionate with him. As we started to kiss and cuddle, he started to kiss me all over my body. It was not long before he went down on me!
But wait! Something was wrong! This was supposed to be the best night ever but it was not! He was not stimulating me as well as he usually did. What was wrong? I kept telling him to lick me harder and faster! When he tried to reply, he could not talk. It sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. He was totally panicked. He ran to the bathroom and started to rinse his mouth out with water. In a desperate measure, he started to wash his mouth with soap, but all that did was make him gag. He still could not talk. Eventually the effects started to taper off and he was able to talk.
He asked me if I knew what had happened. After I explained my issue, he hung his head a bit and then asked to read the tube. Reading the instructions he just looked at me and shook his head. I asked him what was wrong. He guessed that I had not read the instructions, and I said why would I have to because the woman in the store told me I just had to rub it on. He said it was unfortunate that I had not read the instructions because then I would have known I was supposed to rub it on his dick rather than on my pussy. On top of that admonition, apparently the instructions also forbade oral sex while using that product!
I was shocked, then embarrassed. I blushed like a virgin seeing a man naked for the first time. Then I started chuckling. He also started laughing. Pretty soon we were hanging onto each other stark naked. Needless to say, one thing led to another and we had some pretty terrific sex that night. He was better than usual, and finally made me orgasm, but unfortunately the Moon did not stop in its orbit for me.
Well, I am older and wiser now. As it turns out, that was not my last trip to the sex shop, but let me tell you that from that point on, I was very careful to read the instructions completely before I bought anything. Sadly, our relationship did not last much longer than that. He was transferred to another city, and my career would not allow me to follow. But I will say that of all my lovers, he is the one that when I think of him I always smile.
For more sex advice and funny stories, try this link:
Relationships Advice For Women
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