Thursday, March 29, 2012

Dating Online – Ins and Outs

Online Dating Survey Results:

Here is a summary of the results of a study about the online dating practices of urban dwellers. This was the culmination for interviewing just under 100 men and women about how they date online and what they look for in potential dates and partners. Online dating may not result in you winning your life partner, but it may be a needed break from all those phoney sounding and commercial breaks that try to convince you about your need for someone new in your life during the late winter/early spring/ mid summer blahs.

Resulting Dating Insights:

1)     It is not uncommon for members of the online dating community to be members on various sites at the same time. The attitude is that the more exposure you give yourself to other people, the more likely it is that you will find a match. Sort of like buying several lottery tickets instead of just one. These same people are likely to be dating several different people concurrently hoping to find the one who clicks. Playing the field is a defence mechanism in the online arena. Because of the anonymity of the sites, you cannot tap into you normal social networks to find out about the people you are talking to online, or dating in real life. There is a much higher chance of being taken in by a smooth talker. It is also easy to give your heart away to a loser. Keeping several people “in process” at the same time helps you from “settling” on any one of them prematurely. Because of the anonymous nature of online dating sites, you cannot prescreen people through friends before meeting them. One way dating sites try to mitigate that is via chat and anonymous email, but even so, once you meet in real life for the first time, it has more of the hallmarks of a blind date that any other dating situation that you have found yourself in. With this high tendency not to hit it off on the first actual date, the online dating community tends to interact with more people at the same time, and as a consequence, they are more tolerant of people playing the field during the initial relationship phases.

2)     Online Dating is much more superficial – pictures and videos are everything – without them you get almost no action, or attention.  And you ladies need not worry, as long as you have a reasonably flattering shot of yourself having fun someplace, you will likely get responses from lots of men.  For both men and women, this is a marketing exercise – the key here is not to take a crappy looking big-nosed picture of yourself staring into your web-cam’s fish eye lens – everyone already knows that you stare at your computer a lot because you are on an online dating site in the first place.  There is no need to supply a picture of you in such an unflattering pose. The key is to portray an image of you as a person who has fun interacting with other people, animals, children, sports events, etc. If you are a woman, just remember that men see and assume – most do not read much, they look and evaluate visually for the most part, so keep the words to a minimum. For men, you must read the words!! Women are strong communicators and they will say what they are looking for, and they will also say what they are definitely not looking for. Be honest about who or what you are, and do not annoy a women with attention of any sort if you are definitely on her “must not be” list.  In any event, for both sexes, keep the profile text fun, factual and short. If you are lucky, you will find a person with a really funny and offbeat sense of humor that meshes with your own sense of silliness. Be prepared to use the email and chatting facilities of the online site to get to know people better. Do not try to give your life story in the profile.  Your profile is a 15 second ad spot, not an biography of your life.

3)     Men without jobs have little or no traction on dating sites that are focused on long-term relationships. Women have a pre-disposition to be attracted to “good providers”. In cave man days it was the best hunter. In modern times, this is a man with a stable job and steady income. On the other hand, if you can hook a woman physically or emotionally, they will often overlook the fact that you are a bicycle courier, as long as you come across as trying to better yourself.  A word to the wise – do not believe what people say about their money. Smart people keep income information to themselves – those that do not are probably stretching the truth – a lot!!

4)     Full figured women are actually not at the disadvantage that they often think they are. If a women is slightly overweight, or is of a set of proportions that the weight that they carry is evenly distributed, most men are okay with it. As long as you keep yourself in decent physical shape, you have an excellent chance of establishing a lasting relationship with a man. In any event, most women will post a profile of themselves at a younger and lighter age, and then proceed to lighten the age load a few years on top of that in their profile.  Men, although quite likely to lie about their income, are, almost to a man, truthful about their age. You will find however, that men almost never tell the full truth about their body weight. Almost all men show themselves as athletic, or average, almost never as overweight in any manner.

5)     There cannot be love in the online world, only attraction. To have love, you must have contact with the person.  You either have chemistry with someone, or you do not, there is no kinda click, there is no partial chemistry. You totally fall head over heels in love with someone, or else you settle for something that is less than total love. It is the many little interactions between two people that add up to someone falling in love. If you meet someone online, they will likely want to meet in person within two to four weeks. If you are too cautious, then the person will likely meet someone else in the meantime, and you will fail. Don't forget, if you are attracted to them, then others will be too, and since everyone on dating sites are trying to meet as many people as is reasonably possible, you are in a time limited competition to win their hearts.

6)     There is a bit of stigma associated with dating sites. The reputation is that people who use such sites don't have a real life. They are social outcasts, ugly people, and deviants. Nothing is further from the truth. With this in the back of their minds, people sometimes avoid using dating sites so they will not be branded a loser, or looked at as a potential sexual predator or something equally disgusting.  The fact is that one in five relationships at the current time are people who met online.. You are likely at more risk of being stalked on facebook as you are on a modern dating site. People may talk about making love to someone that they met through conventional dating, but when it comes to online dating, they are strangely close-mouthed about sexual encounters with people they have met. This tendency to be closed-mouthed is kind of silly because everyone knows that people who date to have met at some time, so why try to hide it.

7)    The real power of dating sites is their ability to match people up who are in completely different social circles, and therefore would never have met through any conventional means. Since everyone is there for the same reason, and since it is possible to simultaneously be interacting with several people at once, you really do have a much better chance of finding someone that you are truly compatible with for the long term. Online dating is actually the best forum for people to meet when they are just too busy, too tied up, or just not inclined to be wandering around bar hopping or social clubs trying to meet people. Online dating is the wave of the present and future if you want to find successful and interesting people. Do not expect every match presented to be made in heaven. There will still be some off spec people in the barrel, so keep on trying.

If you are interested in online dating sites, then you might want to check out this resource page:

Online Dating


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